Padfoot the Seer
by Dawn96
Summary: Did you have any wierd dreams that you want to find out it's meanings? Well fear no more for Padfoot the Seer will uncover it's true secret!
1. Chapter 1

**Padfoot the Seer**  
**Chapter 1 **

_**A/n: I hope it's good enough! pls review**_

Dear Padfoot  
I had a dream about ponies and rainbows last night, what does this all mean?  
-I-Think-I'm-Lucky

Dear I-Think-I'm-Lucky,  
Due to my professional seeking skills and my indulgence (Moony taught me that word- Ahem!) into the Inner Eye, it has come to me that Jupiter has come in line with Mars which means that they are having a near alienated trade of tomato paste, that leads Saturn to feel left out in which war has inflicted (another one- I mean, carrying on…) with Neptune. Pluto however has joined Mercury in the envasion of Venus causing astronomical waves to reach earth and have contact with your brain sending you these dreams meaning that your dream was utter nonsense.  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
After my Divination lesson, I slept in History of Magic and dreamt about Professor Trelawny and teacups. What does this mean?  
-I'm Scared

Dear I'm Scared _(well, __you__ are…)_  
I don't need to watch the stars for this- but, what are your favourite flowers? Perhaps I can lay them on your grave.  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
I dreamt that my boyfriend broke up with me. Do you think that this will happen?  
-Heart-Broken

Dear Heart-Broken  
If you are ugly or a Slytherin then: Saturn has passed Uranus meaning that Venus was thrown into orbit due to the murder of Mars, which leads Jupiter to twinkle, twinkle little planet! However the asteroid belt transformed into leather rather than rock and has made a gravitational difference in the magnetic field of the sun which means that no, it's not true.

If you are pretty then: Neptune has bumped into Pluto while sending astronomical waves to the farthest constellations which aliens have come to invade war- however, Mars was discovered to be fine while Mercury burned it's bottom off- I told it to never get near that ball of fire, but he never listens!- so Earth absorbed the magnetic waves of Ganymede which means that your boyfriend is cheating on you, so you can go out with me instead!  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
I dreamt of the Grim last night. Is it true I'll die?  
-SCCCARRRED

Dear sc????  
Yes, you'll die, now scram!  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
- SCCCARRRED

Dear Scared(which is a human way of putting it)  
No, you will not die, Sirius is laughing at you.  
-Moony

Dear Padfoot  
SCRAM MOONY!  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
Why did you say 'Dear Padfoot' While addressing me, idiot!  
-Moony

Dear MOONY  
SCRAM! BEFORE I CALL PRONGSIE!  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
You're the dog, not Prongs.  
-Moony

Dear Padfoot  
You called ME- the amazing, stupendous, marvoulous, astonishing, drop-dead gorgous person in the entire world- a dog? You foul, mangy- mangy muut, stup-  
-Prongs

Dear- whoever  
Where did Prongs go?  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
Evans alert, need I say more?  
- Moony

Dear Padfoot  
Can you like, I dunno, answer OUR questions?  
-Like-Waiting

Dear Like-Waiting  
Jupiter has awakened Uranus from its deep solitude allowing Mars to flow- huh? *re-reads letter* Oh! Sure! I mean, the Inner Eye seems most welcoming at this time.  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
I dreamt of freedom last night, what does this mean  
-The One Who Dreamt About Freedom Last Night

dear T.O.W.D.A.F.L.N  
You're gonna die- NEXT!  
- Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
I dream of pie last night.  
- I Like Pie

Dear I Like Pie(why, so do I!)  
So?  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
Can you tell me what it means  
- I Like Pie

Dear I.L.P  
Tell you what means what?  
-Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
My dream  
-It's I Like Pie, not I.L.P

Dear I.L.P  
What dream?  
Padfoot

Damn Dear Padfoot!  
I DREAMT ABOUT PIE! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!!!!  
- I LIKE PIE!!!

Dear Anger Management  
Since you shouted, you die- Next!  
-Padfoot

**A/n: PLease REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Padfoot the Seer**  
**Chapter 2 **

**A/n: sorry for not updating in a VERY LONG LONG LONG time! SORRY! pls review**

Dear Padfoot  
I dreamt that I saw roses all around me then they all started to burn, what does this mean?  
Rosie

Dear Rosie  
The roses, I sent them to you and the burning… well… I didn't do that bit…  
Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
Do you know what's the difference between Wolfsbane and Monkswood?  
Confused First Year

Dear Confused First Year  
Do I look like a text book? NO! The sign says Dreams, now, dies your bloody question have dream on it? NO! So hit the road!  
Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
I dreamt that a Slytherin cursed me on my way to Charms and then it happened today, what should I do?  
Innocent Gryffindor

Dear Innocent Gryffindor  
Jupiter has had an encounter with mars and that makes the tectonic plates of the Earth to move in rapidness of 4 mm in a year rather than 3mm so that leads to brain confusions of about 300 people worldwide making the curse hit.

Padfoot  
Dear Padfoot  
What has that got to do with the Slytherin cursing me?  
Innocent Gryffindor

Dear Innocent Gryffindor  
Mars has come into Neptune's orbit- _rereads letters_ Oh, CURSE HIM BACK YOU FOOL!  
Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
I dreamt that Evans fell in love with me, is it true?  
You Best Buddy Prongs

Dear Best Buddy Prongs  
Beware of Prongs, he's got eyes for the girl too y'know- just don't tell him and you'll be safe, but, he kinda hits like a girl so you're safe a bit…  
Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
I do not hit like a girl! And I AM prongs you idiot!  
Prongs

Padfoot  
Now, now prongs, this place is for dreams only and what you stated is not a dream so go annoy someone else.  
Busy Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
But I did tell you my dream!  
Prongs

Dear Prongs  
Shut it! I have business here you know!  
Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
Beware, Prongs is coming for you, so I thought I'd warn you. Oh, and I won't really bother taking you to the hospital wing… just so you know  
Your Helpful friend, Moony

Dear Padfoot  
I dreamt that I should kill Potter. Should I?  
Lily

Dear Lily  
If you need me for it, then I'm right here.  
Padfoot

Dear Padfoot  
Snape made fun of you today is Potions behind your back!  
Tattle-Tale

Dear Tattle-Tale  
Thank you  
Padfoot

Dear PAdfoot  
I have sent you ten letters in the past five minutes and you didn't answer! ANSWER DAMN YOU!  
Angry

Dear Senders  
It has appeared that Padfoot has gone to detention for cursing Sniv- Snape, therefore is not able to answer.  
Moony.

**Hope it was better than the last, if you have any suggestions or dreams then pls do send, i think i'm loosing my touch in a few places...**


	3. Chapter 3

** Padfoot the Seer**  
**Chapter 3 **

**A/n: So so so so so so SO SORRY for the LONG no-update thingy- I'm sorry to say that i have actually FORGOTTEN this tory for a bit- but, i'll try to never do it again! Thankyou, now enjoy the story. Oh yeah- and thankyou so much childrenofvainfantasy for the idea- it helped so much!**

-My Dearest Padfoot,  
my sister had a dream about putting pudding into chairs the same night I dreamt that Canadian kids were having a snowday, so the Queen of Canada's son decided to shoeshoe in a blizzard while an innocent bystander was slipping mail under people's doors in a long hallway. Is it a coincidence or will seals and kiwis breed to yield the closest relative of the platypus(clearly my dream book is out of date)?  
-Love, Genuinely Concerned

-Dear Genuinely Concerned  
The conclusion of your dream is fairly simple you see, with my over-powering Inner Eyes I can tell you that your sister symbolized death, pudding symbolizes death, the chairs symbolize death. the Canadian kids symbolize death, the snowday symbolized death, the Queen of Canadas son symbolized death, the shoeshoe symbolized death, the blizzard symbolizes death, the bystander symbolizes death, the mail symbolizes death, the hallway symbolizes death, and the coincidence of seals and kiwis breeding the closest relative of the platypus- well, thats just the future  
So in conclusion: Death, Tombstones, Youre dying and due to the fact that I just saw Uranus while writing this and the-PRONGS, LEAVE MY COOKIE JAR ALONE! GET YOUR OWN YOU COOKIE THEIF!  
-Padfoot

(-from childrenofvainfantasy) Dear most Endearing Padfoot,  
Last full moon I dreamt it was a new moon and I was getting married in a room filled with burning muffins, then my new husband bit my wrist and attempted to drag me across a river, which was filled with crocodiles. Then my maid of honor kicked him in the back of his knee and carried me to a dehumidifier where she and my dream-husband's brother made a sculpter of my favorite teacher's Grand-aunt and raved about the similarities between she and myself. I then split into eight people and we and my maid of honor formed a cancan line as husband and his brother sang old showtunes about Broadway and sitting down so to not rock the boat. My maid of honor then called me a batty old lady and we began to waltz with each other. My sister popped up and forced me to carry her around to tango music. (all the while my other seven selves watched on with popcorn)In the end, all present company linked hands and stepdanced, as across the river a large quantity of 4th years performed a Midsummer's Night Dream. Has that any significance or am I the oldest person under the age of sixteen, or is Lithuania going to take over the world and force all the people of Bangladesh to serve their goats fresh lemonade for the rest of eternity while those who will be wearing muslin on the next day Guam is hit with a meteorite will acquire an overwhelming taste for apples and an urge to say "alackaday"?(Is my dream book absolutely wrong, again)?(P.S. Dear Moony, what color are your socks?) Many a compliment upon you, oh most glorious Padfoot!(and just because, Moony, I wish upon you many a ginger cookie)  
-Batty Before My Time

(from childrenofvainfantasy) -Dear Batty before my time,  
You had a WEDDING! WHY WASNT I INVITED! I LOVE WEDDINGS! Oh wait a sec- its a dream- oh well lets see, due to my professional expertise I tell you that you will be a good belly dancer due to the fact that you have mentioned many dances I think?... I mean- I KNOW! Also as proof- Uranus had just had a tango with Mars which happens once in a blue moon naming that draculas will be howling by the full moon and the werewolves will turn to bloodsucking maniac. Also, Jupiter had a fling with Neptune so this radiated symptom rays that bonked you in your sleep to enhance you- Moony taught me that word!- in your sleep!- the mystical orbs have told me! Oh and alackaday? Come on- Ive been saying that for years and no ones believing me! I knew that Guams going to beb hit by a meteorite and have an unrge from apples- Prongs eats a lot of apples these days, wonder if hes from Guam hmmm

P.S As for Moonys socks- Ill send you a whole pack!

P.P.S. I know, I am glorious, arent I- so, how about me and you, the broom closet, Sunday, around 7 pm, eh?

P.P.P.S. Moony hates ginger cookies- he prefers chocolate chip last time I heard.

-Padfoot

-Dear Padfoot  
I LOVE YOU  
-Secret Admirer

-Dear Secret Admirer,  
Sorry, Im booked for the whole week- how about, next monthuh the 18th? I believe the broom closets empty then  
-Padfoot

-Padfoot,  
WHERE ARE MY SOCKS!  
-Moony

-Dear Moony,  
Uranus and Mercury are now shining brightly that summons venus to have a venture to Pluto had had been caught eating asteroids again while Earth was busy watching Pellyvizzion and led Jupiter to envy making it steel your socks- To sum it all up, It wasnt me Moony, it was Jupiter.  
-Padfoot

-Padfoot  
GIVE THEM BACK YOU THEIF! GET YOUR OWN SOCKS BEFORE I TELL THE WHOLE SCHOOL OF WHAT YOU DID WHEN YOU WERE DRUNK LAST SATURDAY!  
-Moony

-Moony  
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU CANT DO THAT- FINE I TOOK THEM- but there was this girl she liked you asked about your socks- I couldnt help but give them to her! But she liked me too so I already have her booked so- dont go edging on my girl!  
-Padfoot

-Moony  
IDIOT!  
-Padfoot

-Moony  
Uranus had just had an encounter with The Sirius Star asking for brightness and had jealousy when he found that there was nothing inside him to brighten, henceforth returning the word IDIOT to YOU!  
-Padfoot

-Dear Padfoot  
I had a dream about a girl, she was beautiful, vivacious and amazingly smart. She had this temper that was hot and I couldnt take my eyes off her- tell me, will I ever get a date with her and will she fall in love with me?  
-Lost

-Dear Lost  
Prongs, drop the act- and stop dreaming about Evans  
-Padfoot

-Padfoot  
But Im Wormtail  
-Lost

-Dear Lost  
Then I suggest you run half way around the world because I am SO showing JAMES this!

P.S. Prepare to be levitated to the girls dorm in your underwear Wormy, you just broke marauder rule #345 : No one but Prongs can hit, love, adore, fall head-over-heels, worship, admire, go crazy, go maniac, love, crush on, feel affection, lock her in a broom closet, get slapped by, love, get kicked by, talk to, shout at, be shouted at, hear, listen, gape at, love, have a crush, show her directions, lead her to the bathroom, look at her underwear drawer, put his jacket over a puddle- WE GET THE POINT PADFOOT, YOU DONT HAVE TO WRITE THE WHOLE 3 PAGES- that was Moony, so yeah, I wont write the next three pages, so- Im off to tell Prongs! Ha!

-Padfoot

IT WASNT EVANS! REALLY! DONT TELL JAMES ITS its uh Alice Phillips?  
-Wormtail

-Dear Wormy,  
Alice has blonde hair- BLONDE-Ooooh- then Ill tell Frank Longbottom youre hitting on his girlfriend! HaHa!  
-Pads

-Dear Padfoot  
Im running out of things to call Amyllaris Notts boil, so, have any?  
-Reg

-Reg,  
For you Info, little brother- I am a SEER! I SEE things! This is a DREAM QUESTIONNAIRE THINGY! SO TELL ME ABOUT DREAMS NOT INSULTS TO CALL THAT BOIL ON HERS! SHEESH!  
How about giving her a potion that gives her more boils and tell her its to give her boil company? I dunno  
-Padfoot

-Dear Padfoot  
I dreamt that I was sitting under the beech tree eating pie until a quaffle was thrown at me.  
-Confused.

-Dear Confused.  
If youre a Slytherin, then James Potter threw the quaffle at you and if youre in a different house- Tough!  
-Padfoot

-Dear Padfoot  
I dreamt that Remus gave me chocolate, is it true! Will he really give me his token of love?  
-Head-Over-Heels

-Dear H-O-H  
Now that is plain stupid- everyone knows Moony never shares his chocolate- and token of love? PUH-LEASE!  
-Padfoot

-Dear Padfoot  
I dreamt it was Christmas.  
-Santa-lover

-Dear Santa-Lover  
Christmas aint gonna come sooner, no matter how much you dream  
-Moony

-Dear Moony  
Get your own job!  
-Padfoot

-Dear Padfoot  
I dreamt that I failed Transfigurations! What do I do!  
-Failure

-Dear Failure  
Well what do you want me to do about it- if youre thinking about a naked dance then TOUGH! I have a cough coughcough  
-Padfoot

-Dear Padfoot  
Any other things to call Amyllaris?  
-Reg

-Dear Reg  
I DO SEER! I DO NOT TO AMYLLARIS BOIL!  
-Padfoot

-Dear Padfoot  
Theres this guy who keeps teasing me about something on my face an hes really mean and he wont stop- I just dont know what to do! Help me because you know him and tell him to stop!  
-I Feel So Hurt

-Dear IFSH  
Sirius is unable to answer due to his laughing fit. Our apologies.  
-Moony  
** An: As i said before i have no dreams at all, so yeah... i'm kinda getting a bit lame here, so please! Help!**


End file.
